A Poem from Kate's friend Susan Maddigan

I have been thinking of Kate and Rich so often lately . A great friend gave me this poem by Ellen Bass when my father died and I found it full of meaning for those of us left behind. I'd like to share it with Kate's Circle of Friends.


The Thing Is
to love life, to love it even when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands
your throat filled with the silt of it.
when grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think how can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face
no charming smile, no violet eyes
and you say yes, I will take you
I will love you again

I so appreciated this blog and the chance to stay in touch when I was far away and close by. Thanks and love to all Susan Maddigan S/V Brilliant

Missing you, Sweetie

Hey Dolly,
I have been thinking of you a lot lately and missing you. Where are you? I wonder what experience, if any, you are having now. Can you see us? Are you near us? In our hearts, you definitely are, but is that us conjuring you? I suppose so. But it's what we do, what we have. Anyways, I keep hoping someone is going to post something here, as if the blog would help keep you alive. It does, in a way, and it, of course, does not at all.
We may go for a walk today. I'm online now, about to check the weather. Anyways, I was thinking of you and wanted to be with you somehow.
Love you.

A book of memories for Kate's family?

I was talking with Pam Rothstein this morning at Coffee Obsession and she suggested that we might put together a book of small personal essays or remembrances of Kate for Rich and for her family. It has been started, in a sense, already here on the blog, as you can see from the ones below.
I would be happy to edit such a book over the next several weeks, as people think of what they might like to say. I had the impression at the memorial service Saturday that if we had been able to go on all night there would have been no shortage of wonderful little stories. Or big stories. So, if you feel inclined, please e-mail something to me at hatchvillepottery@comcast.net. Or feel free to put it on the blog and I'll harvest it from here.
Hollis

A reading from the service

Three for Kate

I.
When Ana was a baby we asked Kate to be her unofficial godmother because we had no official god. Of course Kate took the role and made it her own.

A few days ago I texted Ana and asked if she had any specific Katie B memories. She called back quickly.

“I have a very distinct memory,” Ana said from the streets of New York. “It involves food.”

No surprise there.

“You used to drop me off at Kate’s apartment and she would make me pigs in a blanket,” She said this with great joy. “Really, really LITTLE pigs in a blanket.”

Suddenly my own memory was jogged. Ana had come home from her very first overnight with Katie B and she was raving about these little sausages that were so yummy and there was a special sauce and where did they come from and couldn’t we buy some. Preschoolers are a very insistent species. Finally I called Kate. “Katherine Ann, what’s with the tiny sausages?” I could hear her smile. “Cocktail wieners,” she explained as if it were obvious. “I made her cocktail wieners with barbecue sauce.”

Meanwhile, back on the cell phone, Ana said with growing excitement, “ And Chocolate Pudding! She made me Jello Chocolate Pudding! Little pigs in a blanket and Jello Chocolate Pudding! It was The Best Food Ever!”

Can’t you see Katie B holding her hand out as if to say, “My point exactly.”


II.

My mom wrote this note to Kate three weeks ago. Rich asked me to read it.

Dear Kate,
Many, many years ago I looked up from a book I was reading and asked Morellen, “Who’s the bravest person you know?”
Without hesitation, she replied, “Kate Billings.”
Look how your profile in courage has continued to astound and inspire us!
I am forever grateful that Morellen has had the great, good fortune to have you as a friend.
With deep respect and much love,
Peg


III.

A long time ago Kate gave me a book: Awareness, by Anthony de Mello. The book is about waking up and being present to reality. Being aware of our thoughts. He indicates that our thoughts are like clouds and awareness is the clear blue sky above them. The book Awareness moves from my nightstand to my desk to the couch and every time I see it I think of Katie B.

I was lucky enough to be able to say to Kate a few days before she died, “I love you and I am with you.”

I don’t know if I am with Kate, but it turns out Kate is with me. Sadness and grief are there too but Katie B, Kate, Katherine Ann, all of her, is with me.

This last week she helped me celebrate my sister’s birthday, pull weeds from the garden, and grieve. Sometimes, when my head’s full of images, she’s skillfully, calmly sailing her boat around my thoughts in the clear blue sky. Sometimes, like when I was helping out a bit with this service, she was weighing in with comments from a television control room. She was laughing.

But most of the time she is just a part of each moment of reality. I hope she is with you too. Perhaps she is reminding you to enjoy yourself. To breathe. To be present and brave. To go ahead, serve up those cocktail wieners to an eager child.

Some Readings and Remembrances from the Memorial Service and Celebration of Kate's Life

I'd be glad to post any remembrances you may- or may not- have shared at the memorial Service on September 12th.

A Meditation

God has created me to do Him some
definite service. God has committed some work to me
which he has not committed to another. I have my mission- I may
never know it in this life, but shall be told it in the next.

I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons.
God has not created me for naught! I shall do good,
I shall do God's work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth
in my own place while not intending it - if I do but keep His commandments.

Therefore I will trust God. Whatever, wherever I am.
I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness
may serve God; in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him;
if I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him.
God does nothing in vain. God knows what He is about.
God may take away my friends, God may make me feel desolate,
make my spirit sink, hide my future from me- still God knows what He is about.

- Cardinal John Henry Newman

Deep Peace

Deep peace of the running wave to you.

Deep peace of the flowing air to you.

Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.

Deep peace of the shining stars to you.

Deep peace of the gentle night to you.

Moon and stars pour their healing light on you.

Deep peace of Christ, the light of the world to you.

Memories of Kate

By Norm Farr
Read at Kate's memorial service Sept. 12, 2009
For my dear friend, Katie Billings ...

I feel blessed to have known Katie for the better part of this last decade.
I met Kate, as a few of us did, through her acupuncture practice early this century. Once cured of my minor ills of the day our conversation turned to sailing and more or less stayed there for the duration of our friendship. At the time, Katie was boat-less and we were not, so at some point we all went sailing on our trimaran, Triple Scoop. Since that first sail together, our friendship was forged, loosely based on this common interest of sailing.
Katie soon bought a Bullseye to be followed by the Odyssey, a 28’ Cape Dory. Together Kate and Rich painstakingly restored this boat to better than original condition and perhaps brought it back in time a bit by replacing all of the double braid line with three strand rope and fitting the interior with very classy oil lamps including a kerosene anchor light. Katie loved this boat and her life on the water. She made the Odyssey her home. Kate took great joy in cooking hot breakfast while on board and keeping the comfort level extremely high.
We met everywhere on these local waters much like kids meeting in the neighborhood during the summer. Somewhat carefree and random. We met in Matapoisset, Quick’s Hole, Lake Tashmoo, Vineyard Haven and Hadley’s Harbor to name just a few.
Our different boats allowed us each to embrace our own idiosyncrasies. Being on the faster boat, Ann and I could better accommodate our last minute lifestyles While Kate and Rich carefully and thoughtfully planned their routes and meals. We, or I, thought nothing of passing through Woods Hole during a full foul tide, while Katie and Rich patiently waited for a slack tide before passing through the Hole.
We would often make day trips to meet them during those glorious two week vacations that Katie managed to carve out of every summer. (I still can’t figure out how to do that). We’d often show up during the second half of their cruise bringing a home cooked meal and new provisions, especially more wine and fresh vegetables, to get them through the last few days of the cruise.
Like most other aspects of Kate’s life she made sailing a very social escapade. Once, upon seeing a familiar name on a vessel entering the anchorage, she initiated a row over to the new boat, introduced herself and all of us, and very soon had us all scheduled for dinner at her house a few days later.
When we were unable to join them on the water, we enjoyed their cruises vicariously via cell phone and Google earth, sometimes to their benefit. We once called ahead to Ann’s uncle on Block Island to help get a mooring during peak season and to show them a part of the island not normally seen by the casual visitor.
Our friendship grew to encompass much more than sailing. We were always expecting that familiar call from one another. Can’t you just hear Katie saying “So what are we doing this weekend?” Kate and Rich became part of our family, and us theirs, spending Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter together. Katie was always so welcoming to Ann, her mom, Jean, and myself that we were all indeed, family.
Katie always dreamed getting off of the grid and going sailing for a few years. Perhaps that is what she is doing now.
Until we meet again Katie, I wish you fair winds and following seas.

Saying goodbye to our friend and sister Kate

Kate Billings's family and friends gathered tonight at Coonamessett Farm under a rain-battered tin roof to say goodbye. People came from across the country for the service and the stories. The service was a simple one, presided over by Kate's friend Nan Bouche, and it included stories of Kate told by Nan and many other friends and family. There were tears, but there was also much laughter. There was good wine, good Jamaican food, good talk, much love shared by everyone. Katie would have loved it.

And another, from Tiffany Van Mooy of Falmouth

I read about Kate's passing in the paper tonight. She was a great woman and healer. She treated our whole family after we moved from Seattle five years ago. I was always amazed that as I made new friends, my most favorite people here in Falmouth already knew about Kate and her gifts. Our deepest sympathy to her friends and family.

Another memory of Kate, from Helen Andrews

I knew Kate when she and I worked at WGBH in Boston. During that period in my life I often read Tarot for friends. Kate was always open to paths to self-discovery - long before she became a healer. She had a beautiful soul and I hope that her spirit continues to inspire and uplift those who knew her in all aspects of her life.

Helen Andrews
Former WGBH Auction Staff
(I am not a blogger, nor do I wish to set up an account to do so. But I wanted to share some thoughts with people who obviously cared about her and are deeply touched by her passing)

Kate is remembered at WGBH

Hello, everyone. Beckett Coppola, who works at WGBH and has longtime personal and family ties to Falmouth, e-mailed this remembrance of Katie to us this week. We thought blog readers would enjoy getting a greater sense of Kate's life before acupuncture. See you all Saturday at the memorial service, Coonamessett Farm, 4 p.m.
Hollis and Dee Engley

Kate was remembered in today’s edition of QuickNooz at WGBH:
............................................................................
Former ’GBHer Katherine Ann Billings passed away in Sandwich on Wed, 9/2 at age 52. Born in St. Paul, MN, Kate graduated from the University of Minnesota and started her career at KTCA St. Paul. She came to WGBH Boston in 1987 to work as an associate producer for both the Auction and TV pledge drives. She went on to work for development at WETA in Washington, DC where she produced an award-winning pledge special with actor David Suchet. “Kate was a creative member of our TV Pledge team,” says Roberta McCarthy. “No matter what the challenge, she always very personable and had a sense of humor. Kate was always willing to go that ‘extra mile’ to raise money for WGBH. This is a sad loss for us all.” An accomplished sailor and TV producer, Kate returned to the Boston area to study and later teach at the New England School of Acupuncture, opening her own practice in Falmouth in 2000. She is survived by her partner Rich Van Heynigen, their children Rhianna and Colin, four siblings, and numerous nieces and nephews. A memorial service and celebration of Kate’s life will be held at Coonamesset Farm, 227 Hatchville Rd, East Falmouth on Sat, 9/12 at 4pm. Those wishing to do so may remember Kate with a memorial contribution to Community Health Center of Cape Cod, 107 Commercial Avenue, Mashpee, MA 026

Kate's Obituary

Hi folks. I just spoke with Rich and we thought we'd post the obituary that is being sent to newspapers - though we don't know how each paper will choose to run it. The Falmouth Enterprise treats the passing of residents as a news story so they will stick to "just the facts."

Thank you all for your love and support.

Morellen


Katherine Ann Billings, sailor, television producer, acupuncturist and wise friend, passed away from lung cancer at the McCarthy Care Center in Sandwich, MA on September 2, 2009. She was 52. Born in St. Paul, MN, Kate graduated from the University of Minnesota and spent summers at a beloved cabin on Grand Lake.


Kate started her career at KTCA, St. Paul and came to WGBH Boston in 1987 to work as an Associate Producer for both the auction and television pledge drives. She went on to work for development at WETA in Washington, D.C. where she produced an award-winning pledge special with actor David Suchet. While in Washington she also pursued her love of sailing. Ms Billings developed a second career as an acupuncturist, moving herself and her boat, Dulci Bella, back to the Boston area to study, and later teach, at the New England School of Acupuncture. She opened her practice in Falmouth, MA in 2000.


Kate was a world traveler, a gifted acupuncturist and optimist. When faced with many serious challenges she found ways to be courageous, embrace life and enhance the lives of others.


She is survived by her partner Rich Van Heynigen, their children Rhianna and Colin, her four siblings: Margarita Sweeney, Minneapolis, MN; John Billings, Springfield, MO; William Billings, Ogallala, NE and Mary Billings, Tucson, AZ and numerous nieces and nephews.


A memorial service and celebration of Kate’s life will be held at Coonamesset Farm, 227 Hatchville Rd, East Falmouth on September 12, 2009 at 4 PM.


In lieu of flowers the family requests that any memorials be sent to Community Health Center of Cape Cod, 107 Commercial Avenue, Mashpee, MA 02649.

Kate died peacefully

Kate died Wednesday afternoon around 4. She died peacefully with her family around her. Her brother John, who stayed with us last night, says everyone said a prayer together as she died. The family is planning a memorial service for the weekend of Sept. 12. More information to come as we have it.
Hollis and Dee

Rich and Katie, we are so very fond of you both and are thinking of you constantly. Love to you, Ship & Susan

Surrounded by family

I just talked with Kate's nephew at about 3 p.m. He came by the house to pick up some of her uncle John's luggage. Kate is hanging on, but just barely. "She's peaceful," he said. "She's having a hard time breathing, but she's very peaceful." He doesn't expect her to last much longer.
Send prayers and good thoughts to Rich and all the family.
Hollis

Some words from Kate's friend Lou Ann

Our Katie has been struggling for the past 24 hours or so. Her family is around her tonight. Her friend Lou Ann Burgess sent this to me for the blog.

Kate, we love you - your beauty and your gentleness.
You have touched and healed so many with your friendship and your work.
Our world is better because of you.
We send you peace and our love.

Extra Update

Hi folks,

Thank you Dee and Hollis - Rich asked me to update this blog this evening but you all have done a great job with the information available right now.

Kate is resting comfortably and the staff at the hospice are very skilled. Kate's sisters, Gita and Mary, have been in Falmouth since Saturday and her brothers arrived today. Rihanna and Colin are there with Rich and the Billings bunch so there is much, much love surrounding our girl. The hospice nurses do not think that Kate will survive the week but please keep in mind that all things are shifting and changing. The whole family feels the great love and support of Kate's many friends. They also know you will understand their need to spend time as a small group so that Kate doesn't fatigue so frequently
.

Kate's sending her love to all of you.

Morellen

Kate is moved to Sandwich hospice

Dee and I have gotten so many questions about Kate's condition that we thought we would update the blog with what we know. This is not something Rich or anyone else asked us to do, but I think it's good for people to have an idea where Kate is in this journey.
Kate and Rich have made the decision to move her from Falmouth Hospital to hospice care at the McCarthy Care Center in Sandwich, at 73 Service Road. She is there now. She needs round-the-clock care by professionals there that would be too difficult at home.
Kate's sisters and brothers have arrived to be with her and Rich at the hospice. We've been told that because of Kate's low energy level, they want to keep visitors at the Sandwich facility to only family. Also - and we thought about this after talking to a young friend who not long ago lost his wife to cancer - it's probably best not to call Rich for updates on Kate's condition. She is loved by many, many people here on the Cape, but it seems best to let him concentrate his energies on the woman he loves and let the rest of us get out news here on the blog.
Susan and Kyle and a number of other people - Rich and Kate included - have kept up the blog so that everyone can know at least some of what's happening. We'll all do our best to keep this blog as current as we can.
Kate and Rich and their family need everyone's prayers and good thoughts right now.
Hollis and Dee Engley

Overdue Info

Kate was having a reaction to her meds and returned to the hospital Monday. The good news for her and Rich is that she's at Falmouth Hospital, which feels preferable for a variety of reasons, the closeness to home being near the top of the list. She didn't feel well when I saw her yesterday. I haven't gotten word yet today. She asked me to update this, though.

Susan

Greatest News

I'm home from the hospital as of yesterday afternoon. So I'm completely thrilled. Much love, Kate

The Latest

I had nice conversations with both Kate and Rich last night and they asked me to relay to all that she is doing better, but unlikely to get out for at least several days. They have been working on pain management which seems to be a bit of a moving target so the trick is finding something that works and seeing if it endures. The good news is that when she feels better, she really feels better. She sent love and hellos to all. She still fades quickly at the end of the day, or things can still be changeable, so she's not recommending visitors, but is sending good vibes out to all and glad to receive your good vibes as well. Keep 'em coming!

More as I know it.

Susan

No release Mon.

Had a resonable day today for the most part. unclear about timing for release. Missing everyone a lot.

I;m hearing 2 10 y.o. girls giggling on the floor tonight. Very cheerful and sunny sounds.

I'm quite tired and trying to relax for a good night sleep. Best to all. Much love, Kate

Update from Kate and Rich

I spoke with both Kate and Rich briefly yesterday and here's the word.

After a bumpy last few days, Kate was much better yesterday. She sounded good and there's some talk that she might be released on Monday. I don't have a lot of details, but Kate definitely sounded like herself and they had just been for a walk. She said that she fades by afternoon, though. And they send their love to all.

Susan

August 12 update

Hi folks,

Just spoke with Rich. Kate's still at Brigham and remains under care of thoracic dudes. They're working on removing fluid and the docs say that's going well. No word yet on when she'll be released but we'll update when we know more.

Lung drying hugs all around,
Morellen

Back at the Brigham

Just heard from Rich that Kate is back at the Brigham with fluid build-up in her lung. She's expected to stay until they can rebalance her fluids. They have asked that meals for this week be postponed. More when there's more to know.
Susan

Thursday, Aug. 6

It is amazing how quiet it is on Cape Cod. I could barely sleep on Tuesday night with no beeping!!! Now I must say that the counter affect of the drugs did help the situation.

I'm starting to feel a little better. But energy is really low so I'm napping a lot.

Much love, Kate

Tuesday, Aug.3

Discharge papers are in the works. So ready to be back home to the Cape.

Much love, Kate

Monday, Aug. 3rd

WOW! Quite the week.Only partially overwhelmed. No actually completely overwhelmed. Hoping for tues. discharge. My sister Gita arrives the same day. Surgeons are again very happy with outcome. Back to sleep fro a few minutes\

much love, still tired, kate

Saturday Aug 1

Kate is continuing to do well. The docs are happy with her progress and if she keeps going at the same rate she may be headed home on Tuesday. !!!!

Kate's spirits are good, her color is lovely and her hair is fun to pat 'cause it's all curly.

Her sister, Gita, is arriving on Tuesday so there will be extra special help in getting our girl all comfy back at their house. I believe Kate and Rich are ready for some homemade peace and quiet. Hospitals are noisy little suckers. Luckily, I'm sure our gang of four visitors, plus Rich, made no noise at all this morning.

Morellen

Surgery completed

Hi again. Just before 7pm the surgeons were finishing up with Kate. The surgeon who spoke to Rich said that they removed the adrenal gland and it went very well. Big yay!

Morellen

quick update

Peeps-

Greetings from hospital land. Just wanted to get word out that Kate will have surgery on left adrenal gland tomorrow (Wed) afternoon. Was visiting when surgeon and his team swept in - much like the queen with her corgis - and he seemed very confident in tomorrow's procedure. Meanwhile Kate's drug cocktail is doing a sweet job of keeping her comfy. And sleepy.

Rich said an update will be up in a day or two with post-surgery info.

Keep the good vibe vibing.

Morellen

Things are moving fast

I"m going for a PET scan today at 2 (no food or drink until then) And tentative surgery schedule for Wed....dont know the time yet. The point of the surgery is to remove a mass in the adrenal gland on the left side...right where it hurts. Keep those prayers coming!

Much love, Kate

New Twist!

I'm sitting in the waiting room of the admitting office of Brigham and Women's waiting for a room to free up.

Yesterday we saw the cardiologist---the great news is the heart is fine. It's been through a lot but it is just fine...no worries.

However while we were here I had an abdominal CT scan because of some pain in my left flank area. They have found a 6 cm soft tissue mass (I read tumor) so they want to check it out. I'll be in the hospital for a few days. Tomorrow they will do a needle biopsy to get some initial information and then I guess we go from there.

Seems like there's a lot going on. Will keep you posted. Email messages always welcome. It's kind of a boring place here.

Much love, Kate

Another Delay

Just when you thought everything was planned, it turns out it is now unplanned. Just saw the Doc today and he wants to delay the chemo and radiation for some amount of time...to be determined. He has also referred me to a cardiologist in Boston but can't see him till Aug. 3rd.

Maybe this is a blessing in disguise...we might not have to drive into Hyannis every day of August for radiation!

Will keep you posted as I know more.

Much love, Kate

8 week milestone

Yesterday marked 8 weeks out from surgery. In one way it doesn't seem like that long a time for such major surgery. On the other hand, it feels like forever. My progress improves daily in baby steps, but as I look back to 4 weeks ago, I know I'm so much better than I was.

I have 2 more glorious weeks of R & R or healing time before the chemo and radiation start. Don't be surprised if I come around looking for some rides...to Hyannis...in the summertime. Doesn't that sound fun!

PT is coming along very well...much less pain and increased range of motion. That's the goal.

I also got my radiation tattoos the other day. Three very little ink dots (permanent, just a little something to remind me of this time in my life in case I forget) that are used to line up the laser beam at the same place every day.

I'm trying to enjoy the summer sun. I hope you are too.

Much love, Kate

We have a plan

We saw the oncologist yesterday and he and the radiation oncologist have come up with a plan that seems to be manageable. They are going to give me the next 4 weeks to continue my healing/recovery process. Then starting on July 27 I will begin radiation and chemo concurrently.

The radiation will be 5 days a week for 5 weeks. I will have to go to Hyannis every day and will get a little blast of radiation daily.

Yesterday the oncologist said that best results happen when the radiation and chemo are done at the same time. So I will get a low dose of chemo once a week during the 5 weeks. And he thought the side affects would be less because the dosage will be less. All along he has promised two more rounds of chemo and basically at the end of the 5 weeks I will have received the equivalent of two rounds but they will just be smaller doses each week.

Sounds to me like August is going to be full of fun! But the good news is I will be finished by the end of the month.

We continue to be grateful to all for the delicious meals. I so appreciate not having to cook every night. With my energy so low, I just don't think I could do it.

I started PT in earnest today...oh yeah...feeling it! I'm sure it will get better soon.

Much love, Kate

Newest milestone!

Rich has been very hesitant to have me drive since my surgery but today he gave me a "driving test". I drove us around town to do our morning errands. It all seemed manageable. I was really focusing and being extra careful. We got home with no incident and he said that I had "passed" the test. Hooray!!!

I can't imagine that I will do any long drives, but it is helpful to be able to go into town, especially since I will be starting physical therapy this week.

Big day on Tuesday. We see the oncologist to hear about our future!

Much love,
Kate

Week of seeing Docs

We went to Boston yesterday to follow-up with Dr. Sugarbaker. He was very happy with my progress and said all of my aches and pains are completely normal and a little ahead of schedule. Apparently I'm healing very well. He does want me to start some physical therapy to help increase my range of motion for the left shoulder.

Today we met with a radiation oncologist, Dan Canaday, at Cape Cod Hospital. It was just an initial meet and greet. He explained about the treatment, side affects and the pros and cons of doing radiation. Once we meet with the oncologist next Tuesday with will have a better idea of what the plan will be and the timing.

Rumor has it that it is going to be sunny tomorrow...can't wait!!!

Much love, Kate

Hot off the press

We got Alyson to the airport in ample time this morning...no delays on the southeast expressway.

We met with the ENT doctor. He said it is not likely my voice will deteriorate further and it is not damaging to it to press it for a sound. He did say he would like to wait until the chemo and radiation are both done before he takes the next step to repair the vocal cord. We have our next appointment with him in 3 months.

I had hoped that we would have a speedier resolve to this issue but apparently not. The lesson of patience just continues to surface. I certainly am trying to be patient but I (we) are so ready to be done with this. But as Rich pointed out today, I am trading a year or 1 1/2 years of my life now for a chance to live another 30 plus years when this is all finished.

I am grateful to have the amazing medicine available that makes this all possible, but I'm still ready to be done or at least enjoying a little sunshine.

Much love, Kate

New Milestone

Five weeks since my surgery. By all accounts, I'm doing well. I am still very easily fatigued and my energy is quite low. I can walk in the morning and then do errands etc. but by 2 pm it is nap time. Don't be surprised if you don't reach me between 2 and 4. I turn the ringer off and am gone.

I'm sorry to say that my niece is leaving tomorrow...bummer. We have had a really nice week. I so appreciate her coming to visit.

Rich and I will take her to the airport in the morning and then off to the Brigham to meet with the ENT doc who did the work on my vocal cords. We are going to explore the next options and see about timing. Hope to know something soon.

Much love, Kate

My niece Alyson and I are having a great visit. She has been good motivation in the walking department! She's been cracking the whip!

Every day I'm making progress. I think I walked a little faster yesterday. One less medication starting today. All good milestones to note.

I still don't know when chemo and radiation will start but I now have appointments lined up with those doctors in the next few weeks, so we will figure something out soon.

Thanks to all for the wonderful meals, flowers, cards and support.

Much love, Kate

Four weeks

since my surgery. I had envisioned feeling a little better than I do but every day there is progress.

We saw Dr. Sugerbaker on Tuesday and he was very pleased with my progress. We found out that I will be doing both chemo and radiation as follow-up therapy. We're not sure when it will start.

I am also going to have another procedure done to help restore my vocal cords. Don't know when that will be either.

Lots of things juggling with little resolve. And the rainiest spring I have ever seen on Cape Cod.

Great news, my niece Alyson, is coming to visit. She arrives tomorrow for a week. It will be great to have the company.

Much love, Kate

Hooray!`

I just took my first walk alone. Twenty two minutes. Climbed the driveway without even getting too winded. The little victories of life.

Much love, Kate

Another milestone

Today marks three weeks out from my surgery. As Rich said this morning, all the holes are filling in! My energy is variable but to be expected after such major surgery. I had a PT evaluation today and the gal was in and out of the house in 15 minutes. She said, there is nothing you need from me! Another bit of good news. She just reiterated...walk, walk , walk.

I would be happier walking if it wasn't raining. Can anyone do anything about that??

I got up early to see Mary off. Her family has really missed her and she them. It's really been so helpful to have her here. I will miss her though.

Much love, Kate

June 2nd

We got on the road from the hospital yesterday at 1:15 so happily missed rush hour. My friend Ilene picked Mary and me up and brought us back to the cape. I didn't feel so wiped out as I had the Thursday before. A good sign of progress.

As always, I'm so happy to be home again. The quiet, peacefulness of our neighborhood is so energizing. Not to mention my comfy bed!

I got 2 walks in today and a two hour nap and feel really good for 8 pm.

I'm not looking forward to Mary leaving on Thursday. She has been a wonderful support and caring sister for the past two weeks.

Much love, Kate

Home again, home again

Looks like all is in order again with my fluid metabolism so I get to go home today. I'm still waiting for them to do an echocardiogram, scheduled at 11. With the drive back to the Cape I told them I really wanted to be on the road by one if possible. It's too easy to slide into the slippery slope of rush hour if it's much later.

I'll be happy to be in my quiet little house. It's been a lot like Grand Central Station!

Much love, Kate

Snafu

I'm back in the Brigham for a few days. My body was not processing fluids like it should so they asked me to come back to the hospital last night so they could treat it aggressively. The big fear with excess fluids is always pneumonia and we all want to stay clear of that.

We showed up at the emergency room at about 6:30 and after much testing and waiting finally got admitted at 11:45 pm. My sister Mary and Rich went to stay with our dear friends Barb and Julie, who have been so hospitable through this crazy time.

Drop an email or post a comment if you get a chance.

Much love, Kate

Thursday update-two weeks out from surgery

I know that I'm a lot better than I was last week when I got home but it is hard to tell from there how much progress I'm making. I have walked up the driveway hill a few times in the past several days. That felt like really big progress. I am really very easily tired and easily short of breath. I know I wish I was bouncing back more quickly but I keep having to learn the lesson of patience. I guess I haven't mastered it yet. Still trying to be gentle with myself. I did have major surgery just 2 weeks ago. So multiple naps during the day allow the body to heal.

Just a little end of the day rant. Seems like we are all running out of patience.

Much love, Kate

Memorial Day

Mary and I went out for a little outing this afternoon. We had a little drive around and looked at the water. There were tons of glorious boats out sailing. The temp was lovely and warm.

I'm walking 2 to 3 times a day but feel like it isn't as easy as it was in the controlled environment of the hospital. There's all this pollen and hills, etc. So it is taking quite a push to get motivated. And shortness of breath has an all new meaning.

Much love, Kate

Saturday, time flies

It is amazing to me that coming home can be such a process. I've been really tired but thrilled to be in my own little bed. The first 12 hours home I felt like I slept better than I had for 8 days.

I got out for two walks today. My dear, dear caretakers, drove me to the bottom of the driveway. We walked. And then they drove me back up. Seems silly but that hill is daunting with less air available.

Rich and Mary are making a great tag team and taking the best care of me. They take turns in the night getting up to give me my meds. Needless to say I'm a little dopey and don't want to take the wrong meds. For someone who has never taken anything, the schedule is a little much for me to follow.

I'm a little impatient with the slow recovery but am trying to be grateful. I know I just have to follow the process.

Thanks for all the emails and cards. They are wonderful.

Much love, Kate

thursday update

Just got the green light to go home. Falmouth--here I come. Ready for the peace and quiet of my own little home.

I'm sure the next few days will be tiring and very low key. My sister Mary arrives tonight. It will be great to have her here.

As always, Rich has been amazing.

The doctors have urged me to sleep a lot the next few days so I'm going to ask to limit visitors. Emails are always welcome.

Much love, Kate

wed update III

Just finished 1mile for the day. Feels like a good amount of walking today.

I'm looking out on a beautiful sunset over the city and feel incredibily grateful. How lucky to live near a city with this kind of amazing medical care.

One more night at hotel Brigham and then they kick me out tomorrow. I've been kicked out of better places! I'll be happy to be home.

Much love, Kate

Wed update II

Now officially on oral meds. No pumps for me. So far so good. It's just been about an hour. Doesn't count for much. Some of the other tubes will be gone before long. There is some discussion about going home tomorrow but that is not definite.

I had a procedure yesterday to repair a damaged vocal cord. I am able to speak again but with a somewhat hoarse voice.

Total loops yesterday over 1/2 mile. Today haven't gone so far yet. Time to start walking soon.

I am easily tired. Sometimes my eyes are open and the next thing I know 1 1/2 hours has gone by. Guess that means the body needs it.

Thank you for all the lovely cards. With coming home soon, I think Susan is going to try to twist some peoples arms to make some meals. Even though my sister will be here, I think her hands will be full. It would be really great if you could help. Thanks all.

Much love, Kate

wednesday update

Well I think is is unbelievable that 7 days after major surgery I'm typing away at the blog...now that being said, I've waited all morning to have a bunch of the tubes come out and now as I start to write they are here.. So I'll be back. Much Love,

Tuesday update

Ilene and I went to visit Kate today. We were there for a few hours. Kate and Rich get medals for the days they have logged - though all the staff were very friendly and helpful I found myself impressed by our friends' endurance and patience. I left feeling pooped.

Maybe it was our field trip: a ride in the service elevator and a brief hang out in the pre-op room. Kate went there to have a short vocal chord procedure and Ilene and I tagged along while Rich made his way to the hospital. We chatted up the nurse and asked the anesthesiologist what he had in his goodie bag. He said no, he didn't have any Reeses. The nurse said maybe a Reeses-tini would do the job. Ilene objected to the vodka-peanut butter concept and they rolled Kate away. I'm sure she was thinking, "Not a moment too soon."

Then we waited with Rich in the family waiting room. We chatted and played with our various electronic communicating devices. Ilene and I raided the free snack area. One of us did not raid smartly but that cookie looked so good. Then we went down to see Kate for a little post op visit. You wanna know about the bowels of Brigham and Women's hospital, we are your people.

Took the normal elevator back up to Kate's floor and watched Rich straighten things up and make the room ship shape while we waited for Kate's arrival. He's very good at it.

Kate spoke a little post-procedure but still needs to be cautious and not talk too much. No opera from Miss Billings this week - please try to hide your disappointment.

Monday

Saw Kate for a slightly longer visit today. She is continuing to do a great job at the hard, hard work of healing. I delivered messages but she does have a computer in her room so I think she has access to emails.

Her color is great and yesterday she did six laps around thoracic. Next stop NASCAR.

She has lovely pics of boats and folks up on walls and she's got a great view out her window. Not bad for a place you're itchin' to get out of. Hoping to see her again tomorrow.

Sunday update

Rich said Kate is doing well today. She has been very busy. She woke up at 3am and decided to take a three lap stroll around the floor. Sometime this morning she logged another 4 laps, without oxygen, and she has been off oxygen all morning.

I'm going in tomorrow (Monday) to visit. If anyone would like to send a message to her, feel free to post a comment here or send me an email and I'll print out and bring in to her tomorrow. I'll probably be heading there mid-day.

Thanks,
Morellen

email: Morellen@rcn.com

Saturday update

Saw Kate this morning. She has excellent color - apparently she planned in advanced and took in some sun before surgery - always thinking that girl.

She wants all of you to know that Dr. Sugarbaker was very pleased with the surgery - he said it was miracle how well it went.

Her room? Location, location, location - nurses handy by. She walked the loop around her floor this morning, sat in a chair and has a couple more laps to do this afternoon. Her progress is excellent.

She did lose her voice, a fairly common side effect from this type of surgery, but it sounds like the docs are on top of that. Meanwhile she's writing notes and whispering in her sweetie's ear.

Saturday update

Kate has been moved out of ICU

Just spoke with Rich. Our girl is focused on her task. She had a good night, her pain was kept under control and she moved ahead of schedule into a step-down unit. Rich has been very impressed by the nurses and says Kate is doing well. And Rich was able to sleep last night because he knew she was well cared for.

Keep those good healing thoughts pouring her way - it's obviously working!

p.s. She is on a floor where no flowers can be accepted.

Surgery's Done!!

Kate is out of surgery and in the ICU!!!!

I just got a call from Susan who heard from Rich whose phone is ringing off hook.

Dr. Sugarbaker and team were able to take out pesky tumor plus lung and surrounding lymph nodes leaving CLEAN MARGINS all around and there were NO COMPLICATIONS!!!!

There may not be enough exclamation points to deal with how we're all feeling.

Kate is expected to be in ICU for approx 2 days. No flowers can be sent to her there and it is unknown if flowers will be allowed wherever she's relocated post-ICU. Once I hear I'll let folks know if someone else hasn't yet posted.

The Brigham does have a patient information line 617 732 5500 then press 3. A real human has answered both times I've called and it may help keep Rich's cell from exploding.

A View From Brigham & Women's

Just got back from hospital a little while ago where I caught up with Rich and several supportive friends in the very nice accommodations for friends and family at the Brigham. Rich had been given one of those big square buzzers that either let you know your Panera order is ready or that your loved one is through surgery and the doctor will see you now. Of course Kate got buzzed earlier in the morning in a much more woo-woo kinda way - Rich said her nerves calmed right down after they gave her some meds.

It was great to see Rich getting support and it was really great that 1.5 hours into surgery he hadn't been buzzed which meant that once the surgeon was in there he felt he could keep going and remove tumor. There seems to be some discrepancy re: how long surgery might last but Rich has a lovely zen-like view of acceptance and wishing the team to just focus on task at hand.

I saw my friend Lucy, a nurse at the Brigham, after leaving Rich and Leo at the fabulous Food Court. She keeps telling me good stories about how Brigham nurses ADORE Kate's surgeon, Dr. Sugarbaker. Today's comment, "He never takes out more than he needs to." Amen to that.

One day and still counting

I have so many emotions tugging at my shirtsleeves today. Apprehension. Elation at getting rid of the tumor and sadness at losing part of an organ that has served me well. Fear of the unknown. Anticipation. Desire for this day to end quickly. Incredible gratitude for all the amazing people in my life who have shown me the true meaning of love and support. Thanks to the friends and family who will be my band of angels watching over me in the operating room. Hope that Dr. Sugarbaker and his team will share their remarkable talents with me tomorrow. Those are just a few of the feelings I can articulate. It seems that there are many others bubbling around inside.

I know I am ready to be on the other side of this surgery and to begin the process of healing a cancer-free body.

Much love, Kate

One week and counting

Aren't these beautiful flowers from my sweetie? We just celebrated 13 years of togetherness. He's ready for me to be better too!

This waiting is an endurance test but somehow I feel more ready this time around. It is impossible to avoid thinking about one's mortality but for the most part I am very optimistic.

Last week while we were waiting (3 hours) for our appointment with Dr. Sugarbaker, we talked with a man who had had his surgery 3 weeks previously. He was an inspiration. He was getting along very well. He was only taking pain meds at night and had started driving again. Another man was there for his 7 year check up and was also very encouraging. He told us he was out clearing brush 6 weeks after his surgery. Not a goal of mine, but it allowed my imagination to run. Just think, I could be sailing by July! I have told Rich that I might be more of a deck ornament than a first mate but time will tell.

Much Love, Kate

Third date's a charm

The medical scheduling guru's have recalculated the most auspicious date for my surgery and have come up with Thursday, May 14 at 7:30 am. That also happens to be the time when Dr. Sugarbaker is next available. So it's a date. I for one am putting it in my calendar book in ink. That will mean that it certainly will happen.

The cold is a tiny bit better. The voice is still not working very well. I had a lay low day with some good napping and home made chicken soup.

Thanks for all your care and concern. Much love, Kate

Change of plans...again

There has been another change of plans. My surgery has been postponed because I have a rotten cold and laryngitis. I am hoping to be re-scheduled next week but won't know until at least tomorrow.

I am somewhat disappointed but also want to have the best chance of getting through the surgery with no complication. My white blood count was still low today so another week will give it time to improve. I'm guessing by next week this cold and all its symptoms will be gone. Obviously with no voice, I'm not making any phone calls. Nothing personal!

Thanks for all your love and prayers.

Much Love, Kate

Almost unbelievable

Actually, I can't believe it. I went all winter long, compromised immune system and all, and didn't get sick once. But last Thursday, 1 week before my surgery, I started to get a sore throat. I thought maybe it was allergies. Friday it was worse. Clearly it wasn't allergies. Saturday it was worse and my voice was almost gone. Sunday, the sore throat was gone but I had a raging head cold. It's subsiding somewhat today but there is no doubt that I have a cold. My friend Ilene asked what Freud would say about this!

My primary care doc said they wouldn't cancel the surgery due to a cold...thank goodness. I'm not sure I could handle that!!!

Rich and I sat on a beach yesterday afternoon and let the sun do it's magic. It had to have helped the cold. It really helped the attitude.

Currently the surgery is scheduled for 7:30 on Thursday. We have to arrive by 5:30 am. Hope someone will be there to check us in! We will have to confirm the time on Wed. and will let you know if it changes.

Pre-op visit tomorrow and one more visit with Dr. Sugarbaker. We will also meet his chief fellow, John Danials, who will help with the surgery. He is also the doc that will take care of me post-surgery. He is suppose to be a gifted surgeon as well, according to one of his colleague fellows.

Countdown continues

A week from today I will be going in for my surgery. That sounds strange. It is the truth though and I'm trying to grasp it. My Mother used told me to not wish my life away, but in this instance I do wish that my surgery was today. Time seems to be moving very slowly all of a sudden. I don't recall time ever moving so slowly on vacation or when I was having fun.

I am thrilled at the thought of a sunny, warm weekend. I can't wait to take my walk with the sun beating down on me and melting all those frozen cells from the long winter.

It has been so good for me to be back at the gym. Some of those elusive muscles have started to show themselves again. I really appreciate Rich's encouragement to try to regain some strength before the surgery. I'm sure it will help my recovery. I'm off to the gym now.

Much love, Kate

Counting down

Two weeks to go before my surgery. I'm having occasional moments of nervousness followed by longer periods of calm. Thanks to my friend Amelia, I've been listening to a pre-surgery meditation that is very helpful, especially if I wake up in the night. (A frequent occurrence.)

As is my way, I have been thinking of positive things. For example, it is likely I'll be back home in three weeks. It may sound silly but it is a goal.

I'm walking a lot. I even had to tell my walking buddies to pick up the pace yesterday. I've also been having a lot of fun playing ping pong at Susan and Kyle's house. It sounds crazy but it really is a workout. Especially having to bend down and pick up the ball all the time! The gym has been helping me rediscover my former muscles. They are slowing coming around, but I'm not ready to hoist a sail yet.

Much love, Kate

Bummer

I got some disappointing news today. My surgery has been postponed until April 30th. Apparently Dr. Sugarbaker was called out of town the week of the 20th and he didn't ask my opinion about it. I would have told him what was more important. But as Rich said, "that's what happens when you have a rock star as your surgeon."

It will give me another week to build up my strength. I've started back to the gym this week and have discovered some muscles that haven't been used for awhile. I'm sure I will put that extra week to good use.

Much love, Kate

Moving Forward

We had a big day today at the Brigham. The best news is that the last 2 rounds of chemo really did their job. The tumor has basically shrunk in half. Yippie!!! And the glucose uptake has been signifcantly reduced.

The other big news is that we have a surgery date. Mark your calendars for Wed. April 22. I will let you know the time as we get closer. I would really appreciate all your good vibes, positive energy, prayers, etc on that day. It sounds like the surgery is plenty complicated and so I will likely be in the hospital for 7 to 10 days. They said they would bounce me as soon as I was ready.

I get to spend the next three weeks building up my red and white blood count, getting back some of my energy and walking.

Thanks to our friend Anne for the beautiful roses. Much love to all, Kate

Another test done

I just got home from another PET scan in Boston. Rather uneventful now that I've gotten used to them. We will see Dr. Sugarbaker on Tuesday and get the results. Hoping for a surgery date if that is the next event. Thanks for the beautiful spring flowers Susie. Much love, Kate

Brrrrrrrr

Happy Spring! It certainly doesn't feel like spring but they say it is. Temp is 36 with windchill at about 28. This is not spring in my book.

I'm beginning to feel better every day. It is shocking to me to be so fatigued. The last time I spoke to the oncologist he reminded me about our conversation on the first visit in which he described the chemo side affects. Number one side affect was fatigue. I start the day with gusto and then by about 1:30 I hit a wall. Then it's nap time!

One week from today I will have the next set of diagnostics. I'm not really looking forward to the MRI. It will be a good test to find out just how claustrophobic I am. The PET scan seems like old hat. We just keep hoping that the beast has shrunk.

Thanks to our friend Dick for the beautiful flowers. And thank you for the lovely meals this week. They are always appreciated. Much love, Kate

Ah, feeling better!

Just read the last blog entry...bit of a rant! I'm feeling a lot better the past two days. More energy and definitely a better outlook. I'm still easily tired but I'm not totally wiped out. Walked for a short time yesterday and hope to get out in the sunshine today for a little longer walk.

Thank you for all the great care and concern, wonderful meals, thoughtful cards, and beautiful flowers. It all makes me feel greatly loved and gives me the strength to stay positve and shrink the beast. Thank you Marion for the lovely flowers above. Much love, Kate

Slightly out of focus but nevertheless beautiful flowers from our friend Sue.

There is no doubt that the chemo is cumulative. I seem to not be bouncing back quite so quickly or easily this time around. Not that I really feel bad, I don't. I'm just really tired. I'm also a little impatient. I just realized it has only been a week since the last round of chemo. I'm wanting, expecting to be at the top of my game and that just doesn't happen at the end of the first week. I guess I'm a little impatient with the weather too. It is either warmer and raining or sunny and cold. I'm longing to be outside in the sunshine. Much love, Kate

Blessed

This round of the chemo truck has side-swiped me vs. the regular direct hit of the past. I was able to take a short walk yesterday in the beautiful weather and then we sat on the deck soaking up some sun. Heavenly! I'm feeling a little worse today but still thinking about going outside so that must be a good sign. Just a few more days and the worst will be over. Much love, Kate

Round # 4

I finished my day at the chemo spa in record time today. Just 6 hours. And the time flew by. Morellen came down from Boston to give me a ride and then hang out for a few hours. Unfortunately her car radiator started leaking and her car overheated as she drove down. She had to have her car towed to Hyannis to get the radiator replaced. This fits with the saying "No good deed goes unpunished." Thanks again Momo!
Then my friend Lisa came by and visited for awhile. And that was a lot of fun. We laughed a lot. Very cathartic.
At 3, Lisa went on her way and Tom and Angela came by. I had just about 20 minutes left of my drip and then they graciously gave me a ride home. Thanks to all.
I am pretty tired from all the activity and my voice is a little raspy from talking and laughing, but I'm in good spirits. Ready to see how this round plays out. Every time I think how rotten I feel, I'm going to remember how rotten the tumor must feel. That's the goal.
Much love, Kate

Biding my time

I feel a little like a student with a test hanging over their head. But I'm not sure what to study in preparation for the next round of chemo. I'm trying to enjoy this third week of the cycle when I feel pretty good.
I do think the cumulative effect of the chemo is catching up with me. I don't feel like I'm bouncing back quite so completely this time, which is disturbing. My energy is just not where I would like it to be. I suppose that is to be expected after three rounds.
I'll be in the chair all day on Thursday so feel free to send some entertaining email. Thanks, Kate

Surprising turn of events

Beautiful valentine flowers from my sweetie!

Once again I was all ready to get the surgery date on the calendar after meeting with the surgeon this morning but no. He is very happy with the work the chemo is doing on the tumor and he wants me to have a fourth round. So he must know what he is talking about. People come to see him from all over the world. We are scheduled for round 4 on March 5th, follow-up tests on March 27 and another meeting with the surgeon on March 31st. There goes another month. At least it feels like something is being accomplished and therefore I can go another round.

Much Love, Kate

Mid-week hump

I am definitely feeling better. I had a 25 min. walk on the treadmill this morning. I was thrilled to be back walking one day earlier than the last round of chemo. I'm still finding it necessary to rest in the afternoon but that is no surprise. My appetite is back for the most part and now I just want to have my energy back. Every day it improves.

I continue to be touched and amazed at all the people who are praying for me or sending positive energy. I am getting cards and greetings from people who I didn't think knew I was sick. I guess we do live in a small town. I am most grateful and cheered by all the love and kindness. Thank you.
Much love, Kate

Monday night check in

The chemo truck arrived in earnest today, but so far the hit has been moderate. Could I feel better? Yes. Will I feel better? Yes.

Thanks for all the lovely messsages, they really help the time pass. Keep them coming. Much love, Kate

Round Three

DONE! Pretty uneventful day at the chemo spa. I got really sleepy and had a bit of a nap. Rich brought me some lunch and Susan popped in for a visit. I read a bit, emailed a bit, ate a bit, and napped a bit, so the day was gone before it knew it. I think I was done by 4:15. Only 6 hours and 45 minutes. A new, shorter record.

We had a good visit with the oncologist this morning. He answered many of our questions. He said the tumor was responding to the chemo, not block buster results but also not growing. He said the tumor was not as active and had gotten a little smaller so both of those were positive.

So now I just have to get through the next few days of side effects and then I will see the surgeon on Feb. 24 for a follow-up visit to determine if it is time for surgery. Never a dull moment.

I could really use your prayers, good thoughts and positive energy as I head into the next few days. If you get a chance post a comment on the blog or send me an email.
Thank you and much love, Kate

Change is good!

I finally got some news this afternoon about the PET scan. I don't have all the details but it sounds like there has been some change in the tumor, which is good news. This means that the chemo is working and therefore more chemo will be helpful. So I am on track for another round of chemo starting on Friday. It is a mixed blessing but if it is helpful, then in the long run, it is worthwhile. Trying to keep my eyes on the prize. Much love, Kate

Waiting

waiting, waiting, waiting, still waiting. No word yet. K

All aglow

Thanks to Shirley and Amelia for the lovely flowers!

We trekked to Boston today for the PET scan and all went well. We even missed morning rush hour but caught the beginning of the afternoon rush with all the people sneaking out of work early on Friday afternoon. It wasn't too bad though.

I'm drinking tons of water this evening to flush all the radioactive nasties from my body so I don't get stopped for glowing-- like the poor guy in NH who had a PET scan and a state trooper pulled him over for being radioactive!

Hoping to get the results back sometime next week and will keep you all posted.
Much love, Kate

Lovely Katie B

Had the great good luck to make it down to Falmouth this morning to have breakfast with Kate and our pal Dan. Kate looked so good and Dan regaled us with stories of Wellfleet and New York. It was wonderful to see them both, but I was particularly thrilled to see our girl out and about. Ain't no chemo keeping her down. Napping, maybe, but not down. Thank you Dan!

One note: Kate's not consuming sugar at this point which I must have missed in a previous post. Hope Richie likes cookies...

Greetings from Freezing Florida

I understand it's all relative, but frost warnings and gloves kind of blow.  Nonetheless, I'm having a swell time here with Aunt and cousin.  Lost at bingo last night, but expect to recoup my losses at dominoes later.  I return on Sunday, when the temps jump back into the 70s.  Here I am with new bivalve friend and losing bingo card.  See you soon!!!

February...how is it possible?

Aren't these flowers beautiful? The plant in the back is from my friend Susie and the one in the front is from Cheryl. Thank you so much for brightening these long winter days. It really helps keep the spirits up.

Ever the optimist, I have been loving the fact that the days are getting longer. Every little bit helps. It was so great to have those two warm days. I walked outside both days for almost 40 minutes each day.

I am feeling better every day. Most of the chemo side effects have subsided and now it is back to building my strength and energy. I am eating well and feeling hungry. Because I recovered from this round a little more quickly, I have started to put some of the weight back on that I lost. My docs will be so happy! Thanks to all the wonderful cooks who are keeping us well fed. We really appreciate all your efforts.

This coming Friday I go to Boston for a follow-up PET scan. It will determine whether the chemo is having any effect on the tumor. I'm sure I hear it sometimes say, "I'm shrinking!" or as the wicked witch of the north said, "I'm melting!" Please keep your fingers crossed that the chemo is doing it's work! Much love, Kate

What a little sunshine can do!

Yesterday seemed like an inordinately long day maybe because the color of the sky never changed. I have a much better outlook today with a little sunshine. I'm also feeling better. I'm even thinking about doing a treadmill walk today.

Thanks to all the wonderful people bringing us food. I'm very hungry after a few days of side affects so I'm eating like a horse!

Thanks to Susie and Cheryl for both bringing flowers. When I have a little more steam I'll take some pictures.

Monday Update

Thank you Morellen for the lovely flowers.

The chemo truck has arrived and rolled over me. Fortunately, it didn't back up and do it again. Having some side affects but they don't seem to be as bad as last time. I'm most grateful. Hoping to be on the other side in a few more days. Thank you for all your care, concern, and support. Much Love, Kate

The day is done

Today's chemo event went very well today. No adverse reactions. I finished just a few minutes ago and in the prescribed 7 hours, which included a doctor's appt.

So far it has been a very different experience than the first one. I got very sleepy from one of the meds, I think the benedryl. So I napped some. Read emails from some of you...thank you for keeping me entertained, and watched a few things streaming on netflicks. All in all a good day.

The magical good feeling from the steroid has not yet shown itself...just the sleepies from the benedryl. We will see what happens in the next few hours. Maybe we will go dancing...or not. Much Love, Kate

Friday is the day!

Thank you Marion for the beautiful flowers this week!

If you all have some time on Friday, drop an email or call my cell. I'll just be sitting in my chair with my computer soaking in the poison, chemo that is! Last time I was there for 9 hours, yikes! Hoping that my body cooperates a little better this time and we can do it in the 7 hours that it is suppose to be. It does get tedious so I'd be happy to have some entertainment. Thanks. Much love, Kate

Hi there Katie!

I hope your head is staying warm!

Here's something my cousin sent me that made me chuckle, so I thought I would share it.xox

In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the mid dle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forth right and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you: nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

No Hair!

Thank you Barb O'Neil from Headlines for coming over on a holiday to shave my head. You are an angel. And thanks to all my loving, caring friends for helping make today a much happier occasion than it might have been. I love you all. Kate

Short hair before no hair!

You know it's short when you can see the scalp! I'm slowly getting used to having a cool head. It is amazing how hair keeps you warm! Thanks to Barb O'Neil and Cheryl Williams from Headlines for taking care of all my beauty needs! What would I do without them.

I'm really feeling so much better than the first week of chemo. I'm eating like a horse to put back the weight I lost.

I'm very happy to have my sister Mary from Arizona visiting this weekend. It will be good to have a sister fix. Much love, Kate

Last Look

Thank you Susan and Kyle for the beautiful spring flowers this week!

Thought I would share one last look of Kate with hair! Tomorrow is the first transition to short hair in anticipation of no hair!

Feeling better everyday. Actually did my 20 minute walk yesterday on the treadmill at Susan and Kyle's house. Today's yucky weather may keep me from walking outside. Maybe a stroll inside the house.

Thursday update

The wrath of chemo hell has subsided and now I just feel somewhat rotten. Mostly weak, low energy. Finding it difficult to sleep, but not motivated to do much else. Wish this were cheerier! I'm trying. Much love, Kate

Monday update

Steroids have worn off and chemo side affects have kicked in. Hoping to feel better in a few days.

I guess my white cell blood count is going to drop in the next few days too, causing my immune system to be weakened. As much as I love you all, please stay away during this vulnerable time if there is any chance you are sick. And please don't be offended if I just blow you a kiss from a distance.

Thanks for all your support. Trying to remember the positive part of chemo...kill the cancer! I'll hold on to that for awhile. Much love, Kate

I know...

it's the steroids talking but I gotta tell you I feel good right now. I haven't coughed for most of the day and I've been talking and laughing. I have energy. I walked around the house when we got back from 7 hours of chemo. I'll probably be bouncing off the walls tonight at about 3 am but that's ok. It's just wonderful to be reminded of how I used to feel...and know that I will feel it again without the enhancement of steroids. No guarantees about tomorrow! Love Kate

What a long day!

Arrived to start chemo at 9 this am. They give you all sorts of "pre-meds" before you get the chemo agents themselves, benedryal, pepcid, some steroid and an anti-nausea drug. At one point I had a small reaction to something. I got flushed and had some difficulty breathing etc. That stopped after a few minutes and they started everything up again. Since then all has been fine. It is however, a long day. I'm almost finished with the first chemo agent and then have one more that will take about an hour. What a journey! Send an email or respond to the blog...I need some entertainment! Love, Kate